For some reason, since I turned Gold on 1-5-08, I have been thinking a great deal about when I was a smoker. As a closet smoker, I went through great lengths to hide my addiction. Sometimes when I think of the things I did, I have to laugh. As a police officer, I was used to seeing drug addicts (crack heads) and I always looked down on them as weak people; trash. It wasn't until I fully comprehended my addiction did I realize I was just like them. I can remember driving about two hours to see relatives for a holiday gathering. I was supposed to have quit smoking but I had relapsed. I remember stopping at the Wal-mart when I made it to town, buying a new shirt and shorts and wet wipes (and mouthwash too now that I think about it), and sitting in the parking lot of the store taking a sponge bath and changing clothes. I did this because I was hell bent that no one would know I was still smoking. I did this to hide even from myself. I feel so foolish when I think about that.
I like to look at myself in the mirror now. I like the way my skin looks healthy and pink. I like not avoiding people because I stink from cigarette smoke. I like not having to rush into the house and take a "mini - shower" every night so my boyfriend, who quit five years ago, wouldn't smell my failure. I like not having to hide from myself.
Thank you for letting me ramble this morning. I have so enjoyed coming here lately and renewing my commitment to Never Take Another Puff.
SMG
I have been quit for 1 Year, 1 Week, 6 Days, 13 minutes and 9 seconds (378 days). I have saved $1,701.03 by not smoking 11,340 cigarettes. I have saved 1 Month, 1 Week, 1 Day and 9 hours of my life. My Quit Date: 1/5/2007 9:00 AM
