Thinking vs. Wanting
Question: Five seconds ago were you experiencing an urge to find and smoke a cigarette? Ten seconds ago did you want some nicotine? Unless you're a newbie then probably not, yet you're here at Freedom, a site exclusively devoted to the topic of smoking cessation, and you're focusing 100% of your attention on the issue of quitting. Don't you find it amazing that you can be here and constantly THINK about smoking without WANTING to smoke! I do!
It's the same when we venture out into the world and walk among the actively addicted as they publicly feed. Yes, after years of bondage ourselves and after developing an in-depth understanding of why we remained captive, it's very normal to notice others as their addiction forces them to elevate their falling blood serum nicotine level so as to avoid the onset of early withdrawal. NOTICING them and THINKING about their endless cycle nicotine/dopamine highs and lows is entirely different from WANTING a nico-fix yourself. It's very normal!
Our former relationship with tobacco was extremely intense and produced millions of tiny independent memories of needing, craving, finding, opening, holding, striking, lighting, sucking, tasting, inhaling, feeling, ahhhhing, exhaling, ashing, butting, dumping, cleaning, brushing, buying, trying, failing, decaying, lying, hiding and crying.
How could we possibly expect ourselves not to NOTICE others still captive to tobacco or THINK about what they're doing as we encounter them throughout our day? We can't and we shouldn't! It's very normal!
It's almost like getting a divorce on grounds of physical abuse and mental cruelty and six months later seeing your ex-spouse in a store and pretending not to notice them. Even thought the marriage was terrible, after years of being together would it be normal to see them yet not THINK about them?
But what if you saw them often? What if you saw your former abusive spouse multiple times each day? Would it soon condition you to be more relaxed around them and accept their presence? If you did stop to THINK about them, every now and then, would it necessarily mean that you WANTED them back?
We have a wonderful thread here at Freedom entitled "Tell a newbie how many seconds a day you still want a cigarette." I'd like to focus your attention on the word WANT in the thread title as we continue to play with the concept of THINKING about smoking versus WANTING to smoke. Triin made a wonderful post this morning, that inspired this post, and this is what she said -
"I have to say that the number of seconds I still want a cigarette in a day is usually zero. It doesn't cross my mind, I don't remember to remember it anymore, if that makes sence. When I think about smoking, it is usually because somebody reminds me of that, for example by smoking. But thinking about smoking does necessarily mean wanting to smoke." Triin
Listen to the WANTING vs. THINKING comments of a few others within the thread:
"I have absolutely no DESIRE to ever take another puff and it's been that way since the beginning of my quit." Linda
"I am quit 3 months (pack a day plus)and some days don't even THINK about smoking." Teeisfree
"I have had THOUGHTS about cigarettes, though not many - when I find myself staring at someone with a cig, or paying more attention to the person on TV smoking rather than the TV show itself, I've been able to tell myself "Look at them, killing themselves." Curly
"I think I still think about it, but I can't say it's the same as WANTING ONE....mostly the smell possibly makes me remember that ahhhhh feeling that I know now I cannot have...but again it's not exactly WANTING ONE...see how difficult it is to separate the two..." Cathym
"I have very few actual thoughts of WANTING a smoke." Amcanuck
There are scores of others who made similar comments. I think the distinction is fairly important for those Newbies still in the serious WANTING phase of their recovery. It's important because you're here with us - some for hours each day - and recognizing the fine distinction between THINKING about your recovery (and the fact that you are not smoking) vs. experiencing an URGE, CRAVE or WANT to put nicotine inside your body, is, in a very real sense, victory in itself!
Even brief periods of wanting new nicotine or a cigarette won't harm us at all. It's only when a quitter acts upon their WANT that they destroy their freedom, healing and glory! Thanks for sharing your wonderful insights Triin!
Breathe deep, hug hard, live long!
John : ) (Zep)
too great to continue. So how did earth's hundreds of millions of
now comfortable ex-users get beyond the big bumps on freedom's highway so that their healing and glory were able to continue on? The answer is the same
for all. They found a way to be patient for just few longer than normal moments and during that brief period of time their mind's weather changed. The
feeling that they couldn't possibly continue on was replaced with a feeling that the worst had passed. It's called keeping your glory alive!
Noticing that you're not using nicotine is a normal part of this temporary period of transition. Early in recovery you'll notice lots
and lots of small details and changes. Don't confuse noticing or thinking about the changes brought about by ending nicotine use with a
"thought" of "wanting" to to use, a cue triggered crave anxiety eposide or actual physical withdrawal. Noticing change is normal, healthy
and it doesn't hurt one bit!
normal. It doesn't necessarily mean that you WANT a nico-fix yourself or that it will trigger a brief yet possibly
intense crave anxiety attack. It simply means that you're noticing details associated with ending years and years of nicotine dependency.
t's
easy for the junkie mind to tell itself that a simple "thought" or noticing some change in your life means that recovery is too hard, or you're
doing something wrong, that you're not recovering quickly enough, that recovery never ends or that you're somehow different and weaker than the
millions who came before you. It's garbage! Don't buy into it! Like someone dating a longtime old companion of yours, you may always notice
cigarettes being smoking in movies but it won't hurt a bit!
at that! Although I ended up sucking down
three packs-a-day, even as far back at one pack, I was puckering up to the end of a filter 160 times each and every day of my life (8 puffs x 20 cigs).
Although all human relationships were vastly more important, none received the constant stream of endless care and attention that I gave to maintaining my
blood serum nicotine level in the comfort zone, so as to avoid sensing the onset of early withdrawal anxieties. In fact, my dependency quickly evolved to the
point that I'd sacrifice time with humans in order to feed my chemical need.
Wanting versus
thinking was one of the first lessons I learned courtesy of my 8 year old daughter, and it was the most valuable. It was the one thing that kept making me
go back to smoking in the past. I truly believed back then that because I thought about cigarettes all the time, that it was just too painful to keep trying
to not smoke.
into the subconscious mind from offering simple words of encouragement to
other new members or from celebrating in as many of Freedom's parades as time allows. Celebration embraces recovery while destroying fears. Positive
thinking is a powerful force for personal change, while constant negative thinking and endless fixation can elevate risk of relapse. Look for the good and
savor it! This is your life and you're taking it back! Yes, you may find yourself bargaining, angry or at times, down and out but so did most of us. This
is an adjustment period and you're doing fantastic! Go the distance. The next few minutes are doable by all!
there before your eyes? At times this temporary journey of
re-adjustment will almost seem to stand as still as that flower's bud but just like the bud its growing and unfolding a bit more with each passing hour.
(truly), but
hey, thoughts happen -- not too often, but they do happen.. It's not the greastest feeling but I'm assuming this too shall pass….
kie. I really learned the
difference between thinking about smoking and wanting to smoke.
