"I'm Dying!" Or, "My boss just spontaneously combusted and he had my paycheck in his pocket and now I am out of a job and cheated of my last week's pay." Or, "My daughter ran away to marry an escaped axe-murderer, and he is already married." Or, "My husband left me for a man." Or, "My wife left me for my brother-worst than that, she took my favorite power tools with her." Or, "My dog ate my neighbor and the police are hunting us down right now. Worse than that, the dog is eyeing me pretty strangely now-and drooling!"
There are posts that pop up periodically that are quite shocking or alarming and in a way bring the board to a screeching halt. Members read the horrible scenario, don't know how to answer the person and then feel funny answering other posts because the poor victim of the horrible news will know that they have been there and didn't jump in with support.
Some problems are real and I don't want anyone to think I am making a mockery of them. But some problems are just too big to be dealt with in the confines of this board. We are a serious support and educational site; we are not a talk show here.
When catastrophes strike I want members to think a little before they post. Is the situation they are writing about something that anyone can really help with here? Does the post have anything to do with smoking? If you read the same post from another person would you see it as a cry for help or a cry for attention?
I guess that is what this is really coming down too. Attention seekers can hurt a serious site. They can stir up wild emotions, cause great debates and controversies, and in a way destabilize this board and the quits of people at this board. People come here for our clear headed and logical support. We are a safe haven for people in crises. We maintain this status by keeping the board serious and focused.
Does that mean we don't want a person in crisis to come to our site? Not at all. When you are encountering a major life problem and need help, come and read all you can to refocus your thoughts on the importance of staying smoke free even under such extreme circumstances. Or if you want people to say they are thinking or praying for you, write a post and say that you are really being tested at the moment, your resolve is shaky, but leave out the sordid details. Don't make our members try to solve problems that are unsolvable in this kind of setting.
I guess its kind of like going to church in a time of crisis. When you go to a crowded church service after a real life shattering event, do you go there with the intent that you will go in front of the congregation, scream out all of the gory details for all to hear and want the service to stop and focus around you? Or do you go to the church to get back your focus, to quietly reflect and think of solutions in a safe haven kind of environment, or maybe, if deeply troubled enough you may go to your religious leader after the service for guidance? I suspect or at least hope your reason for going is for the latter--you may be looking for answers or meaning but you are not going to drag the whole congregation into it.
So please, think before you post. If something is really big and you want some advice, write the managers here off the board. Although I can tell you if the situation is beyond the realm of smoking issues, even we will be limited as to the advice we can give. We will tell you that smoking can't solve the problem at hand--it can't solve any problem. We will tell you that you may want to get outside help, and if the crises is big enough or if your reaction to a problem is serious enough you should call your local crisis center, doctor, police or someone with a real capability of dealing with you and your problem one on one right now. But we can't give you much more than that when it comes down to it, and neither can anyone else here.
So again, think before you post. Is your post a cry for help or a cry for attention? If it is the latter think hard before hitting that send key. A cry for attention will likely be deleted in the future and if repeated or if blatant enough, membership may be pulled. We don't want to kick a person when they are down, but we will not tolerate our board being destabilized or more important, our members quits being destabilized by attention seeking posts.
Again, no matter what the crisis, smoking won't solve it. As it has been written many a times here, a relapse will not solve a crisis, a relapse is a crisis. If you don't want another life-threatening problem on your hands always remember to never take another puff!
Joel
